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Home

Hello?

I'm looking for home

Can you tell me where it is?

I've left some things behind and I want them back

Fresh samosas and hot tea for breakfast

An overcrowded house during the holidays

Sophia pretending to eat my face

As I hold her back in fits of laughter

Curling up on the sofa and watching TV

While mum talks on the phone to nani

Zac's gentle murmurs as he wanders the rooms

Looking for something to do, someone to play with

The muffled stillness of the house

When I wake at two in the morning

And everything is okay

I'm looking for home - do you know where it is?

It's been a while since I've been gone

I miss it dearly; it's making my heart ache

And I'd like to come back now

Grandpa

When grandpa came and stayed the night

Mum would boost the heating

He'd lie on the sofa, a blanket thrown over

The comforting smell of cigarettes lingering

 

My siblings and I would play on the floor

The red floral carpet stretching for miles

Every now and again, there'd be a rattling cough

While he snoozed away the minutes and hours

 

Twenty years later, I'm all grown up

With a full-time job and bills to pay

I believe in women's rights and I dislike cigarettes

…Though not as much when I think of grandpa back in the days

Mum shares a story from her late teen years

When she was newly married to dad

Grandma visited her house and was angry

Because grandpa had hit her pretty bad

The nineties

Sunlight streaming in through the windows

Red, floral carpet stretching for miles

We have the radio on, Dr Fox introducing the next indie rock

And we sit on the floor, draw, play and talk

Our lives small and confined within the four walls of this house

We know nothing of the world outside

How lovely it is, our lives quite purposeless

To not think about the future

But only the minute we exist in time

The last dream

I can’t remember

It slipped through my fingers like water

If my body was a poem

If my body was a poem

It would speak of scars

Old and new

Deep and shallow

And the scars would tell stories

Of salty rivers running down cheeks

And secret sobs lost to lonely midnights

My poem would describe roads

Expanding like veins

Thick and thin

Smooth and crooked

Paint landscapes of mountains and trees

At the break of dawn, looking surreal

My body is a poem

With curled, yellowing pages and blotched indigo ink

Faded lead, an old bookmark slipped in

Collected from a journey long ago, far away

Now only a memory mingled with dreams

The aftertaste of nameless emotions

Time

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

Clock

Runs

We

Run

Eat

Sleep

Work

Marry

Eat

Sleep

Make

Life

Eat

Sleep

Work

Die

Tick

Tock

No

More

Before I sleep

Sometimes you are a brand new home
Endless white-walled large rooms
Ready to be filled with vivid Sesillie Girellis

And a lively family
An overgrown garden of wildflowers
A haven for the birds and the bees
Eliciting curiosity and wonder in the minds of little loved ones
Their feet pattering on the patio
An old wooden door

Submerged in crumbly bricks

Half-hidden by ivy leaves
A heavy brass knob, ready to be turned
To lead us into the wilderness

Thick with trees and brushes

A bed of leaves carpeting the floor

Swallowing echoes of conversations and cries of joy
And sometimes you are the house I occupy now
But with wider corridors
Floor-to-ceiling windows welcoming the sun
Bamboo sticks singing in the wind
And when I am able to let go of the bricks and mortar
You are a hot, dry village in Zambia
Dark brown children with smiles on their lips
Or a colourful, bustling town in Colombia
Welcome in the eyes of the locals
You are the warmth through greetings
And invites into homes and cafes
Introductions and shared meals with family and friends

A full life captured through my lens
You are the feeling of nakedness
The chains of lifelong rules stripped away
Finally unburdened
I am just a human exploring the earth
Life pulsing excitedly through my veins
When I lay my head on my pillow

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